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goodbye, darling

goodbye, dear.
goodbye, darling.
you are not all that i knew
        but most
        and i can’t be happy now.
not with trips (abroad);
with (designer) drugs;
with long walks without;
though i take them.

i abandon trees;
          embrace autumn,
when slightest wind leaves branches bare of leaves.

my anger with the setting sun:
        because you will leave and have left
nothing of what you had
        in your heart.
        in your head;
        in your hands;
        on your lips was some trace of me
some salt from when we kissed those nights into mornings into days
        into nights
                 i knew i was no one,
                 and no one else knew.

i have a history of righteous angels
        and family of right angles that were left
bent and behind. behind
        in twisted metal morbidly stretching upward
        after some aftermath after some big building
        fell on us.

but i escaped. no bone broken no eyes blackened no dust risen,
        i crawled into sunlight and lay toward the clouds.
        while you rush to me
        like a weeping ambulance
        or concerned civilant,
        i am flat and motionless, exposed and smiling.


-
©2006-2009 ~goodbyemountain
:icongoodbyemountain:

Author's Comments

unless an 'hello' is in order.

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:iconshiverandshock:
oh such words

--
dig.
:iconannainadotteddress:
like a weeping ambulance

you are remarkable
:iconnyasa:
Weeping ambulance, definitely a good line, otherwise I like the twisted building stanza. Your style is so different, so much less abstract...less adjectative.

This is how you would have written it before:

Weeping ambulances cry whisping roads, stark ostentatious obsidian black curve like your back through the waiting woods winding. Patience for the patients sitting tenaciously constricted by coils of memory unravel thread requilted, creative - 'intelligent' - design.

Actually, I'm going to expand on this and submit it soon. This has really inspired me.

--
"Another exploited proletariat."
:iconnyasa:
Done.
[link]
I credited you for the phrase, thanks for the inspiration, that's something I always gather from your writing, the desire to be deviant.

--
"Another exploited proletariat."
:icongoodbyemountain:
my spirit was broken by a creative writing teacher. in a positive way, if that is really possible. in my regrowth i try/tried to write directly of myself instead of steeping whatever small personal shred in endless adjectives and convoluted narrative style. i'm still learning. and growing and adjusting. i'm really glad to have inspired you. that's the greatest compliment i could ever hear, truly. i hope that you are well.

--
the world is sickSICK (so kiss me quick)
:iconnyasa:
I'm very well thank you. Your original poems were not very publically accessible, while these new poems are. That's what creative writing teachers teach, methods in which to be publically accessible. That is not necessarily equated with being a good writer, however. The trick is to incorperate both together I suppose, or never sell out at all and never be admired, which is the most honourable.

--
"Another exploited proletariat."
:iconyumemitai:
i abandon trees;
embrace autumn,

those are my favourites line .. the whole sentiment you're bringing to this poem is very deep .. i love that fact .. on another note, the play of word is very original and the flow, wonderful~! i just love this .. :) instant fav for me .. :)

--
yumemitai
~like a dream~
:iconkatarthis:
I think this is beautiful, and wonder if that isn't a new beginning at the end, or if, perhaps it is starting over, and the lover that comes rushing isn't just another one of the crowd at the end?

Or maybe I have completely missed it. Anyway, regardless of my overall feeling, you populated this with wonderful images. I think my favorite stanza is the "setting sun" one, just because it feels so accessible to me.

Now, all that said, congratulations on being chosen for the March UA feature pick. Bless Zebra for showing the masses another good read, and bless you for sharing with us.

k

--
Be yourself. Just be. That is all you need to do to impress me.

Bless,
k
:iconsweetie-you-had-me:
this is so, so beautiful. i really enjoyed reading it and am faving it, not only because of the obvious talent, but also i know that if i do not i will spend days tracking it down if i should ever lose it.

--
Tell me about yourself, I want to know all about you,
what's your story?

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February 3, 2006
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